On Being 30: Getting a Grip of It

by - August 29, 2026

Today is exactly a month after my time of reaching another decade in my lifetime, being 30 years old. There's not much of a change, but there are also a lot changes. I feel like every little part of my younger self was taken apart from who I am now, yet somehow it also creates of who I am becoming today. 

I thought, turning 30 years old means I would have everything settled. I would know everything about life, and be the most successful person I would imagine to be. Turns out, 30 is just a beginning of life. I still figuring out things, confused about things, and basically clueless about most things. And that's normal, I guess. Apparently, I don't have to figure it out to feel content about my life. Turning 30 years old is a start to discovering who you want to be, not defining who you are.

My ultimate weakness is, I still can remember a lot of mistakes I did in the past, of things I wasn't supposed to do and what not. Wise man says that it helps you to learn from it. Believe me I'm trying. However, the reality sometimes gives you a different answer, beyond the expectation. Most of the times I keep doing the same mistakes again and again. Although, I also learn a lot after the very last miserable failure. People told me I'm wise enough for my age. At the same time, I feel like the dumbest stupidest person ever in the universe, because I'm never the wisest person when it comes to the decision I make for myself. 

On this new age, there are some highlights of my life that I feel most grateful for. 

The first highlight is: my marriage. To be honest, I didn't think I would get married this early. Yes, I was 28 years old back then, and yes, it was considered too old. I didn't think about getting married at all before. And apparently, it wasn't such a bad idea to begin. I got married to my husband two years ago, and it has taught me a lot since. He is literally my anchor, the yin to my yang, the earth to my fire, and literally the fireman to every rage I had in me. We can be best friends and the worst enemy to each other at the same time. 

A scene from our engagement ceremony on December 2023

A traditional-themed pre-wedding photos that I arranged myself

A fun photoshoot around our hometown with our photographer friend

The look from the wedding ceremony morning

The look from our traditional wedding reception night

The second highlight: living in Japan (again). This one is totally not on my bingo card. When I heard the news, it felt like I got a huge gift. But here I am, with my husband, living in the southern part of Japan in a small town located between Fukuoka City and Itoshima City. It's such a wonderful little village, kinda reminded me of my hometown. The second time living here was actually a lot different from what I experienced on my fist time. It's a lot more quieter, plain I would say, kind of boring, but also exciting. I got to see more things and I've grown to love this side of the country as I get older. 




Experiencing these things (being married and moving to a new place) at the same time is my current struggle. I am constantly finding myself juggling between roles, identities, and other things that sometimes make me feel alone, isolated. I have never felt like I didn't belong anywhere But I'm still grateful for every opportunity I can get in my life up until today. 

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