Cogito ergo sum. I think therefore I am. One of the thoughts of Descartes I had heard long before I went to college, and become more interesting when I learned more about his thinking. Although Descartes can not be specifically said to be an existentialist thinker, I think that his thoughts have influenced a person -especially me- of my being, of my presence in human form in this world. Is it true that human existence as a rational being in this world purely arises from the rationality of the individual itself? And will its existence stop at one point when individuals are tired of rationalizing its existence?
It's been 21 years, 2 months 8 days living in this world and I still have many questions and puzzles about life that I have not been able to solve until now. One of them is that, the objectivity of my existence on this mad world. When the age of 21 is considered a phase in which an individual has been able to be classified as an adult, I still barely feel the vibe of being entitled to this phase. My inner childhood still appear more often than the establishment of thinking and acting. I spend more time bombarding others with questions about a problem I should be able to solve myself. In addition, I also often question what significant things I have done during these 21 years, which bring benefits to others. There is no achievement for it, no event that can be a marker that I have become a useful individual. A starting point that keeps pushing me to ask myself. What have you done today? How significant are your effects to others? How far have you been going this far?
On the one hand, those questions are enough to maintain my existence, I asked therefore I exist. Encourage me to do something more every day. Makes me an individual who (hopefully) is better than the previous day. Maximize every potential second to make it meaningful, not just for yourself but also for others. On the other hand, there is the fear that later in time I will never be enough to answer new questions that continue to emerge, let alone to solve answers to unanswered questions. Time is running so fast, that often I feel I do not have time to relax because relaxing does not make me a productive individual. Badly, there was once a point when all forms of fatigue accumulated and made me stop struggling to find answers. I was silent, even taking a step back, and allowing the ignorance of my self-controlling existence.
Being an adult turned out to be creepy. It's scary not to get enough time to answer all the questions that come up. It is also frightening to understand that in the end we are forced to stop asking, because we know we do not have enough time to find an answer. A dozen years ago I wanted to quickly become an adult, live independently, have authority over myself. Now, stopping or even playing time becomes a more interesting option. It will be fun when we have more time to just relax and keep asking, without fear of running out of time to find answers.
But well, life goes on. It will not stop. As if one day I will fathom every points of how to be an adult.
It's been 21 years, 2 months 8 days living in this world and I still have many questions and puzzles about life that I have not been able to solve until now. One of them is that, the objectivity of my existence on this mad world. When the age of 21 is considered a phase in which an individual has been able to be classified as an adult, I still barely feel the vibe of being entitled to this phase. My inner childhood still appear more often than the establishment of thinking and acting. I spend more time bombarding others with questions about a problem I should be able to solve myself. In addition, I also often question what significant things I have done during these 21 years, which bring benefits to others. There is no achievement for it, no event that can be a marker that I have become a useful individual. A starting point that keeps pushing me to ask myself. What have you done today? How significant are your effects to others? How far have you been going this far?
On the one hand, those questions are enough to maintain my existence, I asked therefore I exist. Encourage me to do something more every day. Makes me an individual who (hopefully) is better than the previous day. Maximize every potential second to make it meaningful, not just for yourself but also for others. On the other hand, there is the fear that later in time I will never be enough to answer new questions that continue to emerge, let alone to solve answers to unanswered questions. Time is running so fast, that often I feel I do not have time to relax because relaxing does not make me a productive individual. Badly, there was once a point when all forms of fatigue accumulated and made me stop struggling to find answers. I was silent, even taking a step back, and allowing the ignorance of my self-controlling existence.
Being an adult turned out to be creepy. It's scary not to get enough time to answer all the questions that come up. It is also frightening to understand that in the end we are forced to stop asking, because we know we do not have enough time to find an answer. A dozen years ago I wanted to quickly become an adult, live independently, have authority over myself. Now, stopping or even playing time becomes a more interesting option. It will be fun when we have more time to just relax and keep asking, without fear of running out of time to find answers.
But well, life goes on. It will not stop. As if one day I will fathom every points of how to be an adult.
